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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 554

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 595

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 535

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 544

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 952

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 972

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 984

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 995

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::current() should either be compatible with Iterator::current(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 151

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::next() should either be compatible with Iterator::next(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 175

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::key() should either be compatible with Iterator::key(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 164

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::valid() should either be compatible with Iterator::valid(): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 186

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::rewind() should either be compatible with Iterator::rewind(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 138

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetExists($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 75

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetGet($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 89

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetSet($index, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 110

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetUnset($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 127

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 199

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Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 395

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 387

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 381

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 399

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 78

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Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 82

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Memberships::$wpcom_is_wpcom_only_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/memberships.php on line 23

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Subscribers::$wpcom_is_wpcom_only_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/subscribers.php on line 15

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Aldersregelen – Speilvendt
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Aldersregelen


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Tekst: Rune Braaten
Illustrasjon: Emilie Sandell

«Jeg har aldri vært utro…», sa hun og så meg dypt inn i øynene. Hun hadde en hånd plassert på det ene låret mitt, langt nok oppe på låret til at det understreket den seksuelle invitten. Hun bøyde seg fram, og jeg kjente enda tydeligere pusten av pinnekjøtt og paraplydrinker. Det var julebord, og jeg var en videregående-elev med ekstrajobb i butikk som var i ferd med å bli sjekket opp av en kvinnelig butikksjef i femtiårene. 

Når Lolita blir Lolito 
Skjønt, «sjekket opp» er kanskje ikke det riktige uttrykket, selv om jeg kanskje ikke ville strekke det så langt som å kalle det forulemping eller antasting, ettersom hendelsen skjedde før #metoo. Situasjonen innebar en viss dobbelthet mellom smigeren i erotisk oppmerksomhet og klamheten i at damen var på alder med min egen mor. Det opplevdes mest av alt som et litt desperat forsøk på konkretisering av hva som ligger i begrepet maktubalanse. 

 Jeg var fremdeles ung nok til å fortsatt ha et vagt minne om at jentelus kunne være skumle greier, og dette var noe større enn barndommens jentelus – dette var et fullbefarent kvinnemonster på jakt etter lammekjøtt. Jeg følte meg på samme tid som en voksen og som et barn, den fornemmelsen de fleste av oss bevarer lenge etter tenårene. Hvor påtrengende og upassende situasjonen enn var, så hadde det vært verre dersom det hadde vært en av lærerne mine som stod for det litt famlende forsøket på å få julebordsmytene bekreftet.

«Jeg var fremdeles ung nok til å fortsatt ha et vagt minne om at jentelus kunne være skumle greier, og dette var noe større enn barndommens jentelus – dette var et fullbefarent kvinnemonster på jakt etter lammekjøtt.«

Det er ikke uvanlig at lærere på barneskolen går og leier på elevene i friminuttene. De søte små har jo et behov for trygghet og omsorg. Men dersom en lærer i videregående skole går rundt og leier på en femtenåring er det nok flere som hever et øyenbryn eller to. Antagelig med rynket panne og misbilligende blikk både på Lolita og læreren. For man kan anta at det scenariet de fleste ser for seg er en gammel gris av en mannlig lærer og hans utkårede lille prinsesse, der de smyger seg rundt i skjul for barnets mor og lærerens kolleger.

Fenomenet trofékoner 
En av utfordringene ved voksenlivet er å finne en partner å tilbringe gode og onde dager med. Hvis en voksen mann, eller som man gjerne sier «en godt voksen mann» – med andre ord en middelaldrende eller eldre mann, skaffer seg en kjæreste som er noe yngre enn ham selv kan det i mange tilfeller være sosialt akseptabelt. Ikke bare sosialt akseptabelt, men kanskje også direkte misunnelsesverdig. Det er ikke uten grunn at en eldre manns unge kone ofte blir omtalt som «trophy wife»; hun er ung og fruktbar, og har livet foran seg. Det har ikke hennes ektemann i samme grad, så for å kompensere for sine noe forkortede framtidsutsikter, har han kanskje en velfylt bankkonto eller andre ressurser. Dessuten har han vist omverdenen at han har vært i stand til å overleve lenge, og dermed er det ikke urimelig å anta at han har relativt gode gener. At han kanskje også har en bitter ekskone på sin egen alder er noe den nye, unge konen får ta med på kjøpet. Den eldre mannen er stolt av sin unge, flotte kone og viser henne kanskje fram som et trofé, derav betegnelsen «trophy wife». Folkelig uttrykt kan man si at han «tenker med pikken», mens en mer akademisk formulering er at han «følger det evolusjonære imperativ».

 Når en hannløve overtar en løvinneflokk vil han som regel drepe de løveungene som ikke er hans egne. Gjennom denne brutale manøveren oppnår han både at han blokkerer konkurrentenes videreføring av sine gener, samt at løvinnene igjen blir fruktbare. Alt dreier seg om å videreføre livet, eller rettere sagt sine egne verdifulle gener. Vi finner noe av den samme tendensen til at hanndyret eier retten til å avgjøre avkommets skjebne også hos mennesket: Ifølge romerretten kunne en far uten straff ta livet av sin sønn. Det samme gjaldt ikke for mødrene. Takk og pris at det ikke var delt omsorg og fedrepermisjon på den tiden.

Mannen er oftere eldst 
Men hvor stor aldersforskjell er egentlig sosialt akseptabelt? Her vil det være forskjell på hvem av partene som er eldst; det er en tendens til at forhold der mannen er eldst er mer sosialt akseptert enn forhold der kvinnen er eldst. Det er skrevet spaltekilometer om aldersforskjellen mellom Frankrikes president Emmanuel Macron og hans 24 år eldre kone. En så stor aldersforskjell kan nok sies å være uvanlig, men mindre aldersforskjeller er ikke så uvanlig. Nedenstående tabell gjengir amerikanske tall for 2012, men det er ikke usannsynlig at vi vil finne lignende tendenser i andre vestlige land, inkludert Norge:

Age differenceUn-married couples (thous.)Married couples (thous.)Un-married couples (%)Married couples (%)
Male 10 or more years older than female8524,57610.867.5
Male 6 to 9 years older than female1,0106,93512.8711.36
Male 2 to 5 years older than female2,23720,51628.5133.61
Within 1 year of each other2,23420,34428.4833.33
Female 2 to 5 years older than male8305,98110.589.8
Female 6 to 9 years older than male3641,6824.642.76
Female 10 or more years older than male3181,0134.051.66
Total7,84561,047100100
Hentet fra: https://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p20-570.pdf

Tabellen viser tydelig at det er langt flere par der mannen er eldst, enn der kvinnen er eldst. Spesielt tydelig blir det i ytterpunktene av aldersforskjell: Kun 1,66% av gifte par er par der kvinnen er minst 10 år eldre enn mannen, mens det tilsvarende prosenttallet er 7,5% for gifte par der mannen er minst 10 år eldre enn kvinnen. Det bør bemerkes at prosentandelene er forskjellige for samboende og gifte. Det kan tenkes at i USA, som er et sosialt mer konservativt land enn Norge, så vil par som er samboende i større grad være ukonvensjonelle enn par som er gift, og at de derfor kan forventes å avvike fra normalen både med tanke på alder og andre variabler.

Alderskalkulatoren
Det finnes faktisk en regel for hva som er sosialt akseptabel aldersforskjell mellom to turtelduer: 

Sosialt akseptabel alder for partner = Egen alder dividert på to pluss syv

Regelen gjelder fra tenårene og fram til livets slutt, eventuelt fram til den tid da mannen snur seg etter yngre kvinner men ikke lenger husker helt hvorfor han gjør det. Det er nemlig i stor grad på mannens premisser regelen praktiseres, som vist i tabellen ovenfor. Opprinnelsen til regelen er noe uklar; enkelte sier at regelen kommer fra filmen «The Moon Is Blue» fra 1951, mens andre mener at en ukjent fransk adelsmann skal ha sagt det samme 100 år tidligere. Lederen av Nation of Islam, Elijah Muhammad, skal også ha gitt uttrykk for denne tanken. I tilfelle du ikke er spesielt stødig i regning finner du en kalkulator på denne nettsiden: https://www.thecalculator.co/time/Age-Difference-Calculator-397.html

Som eksempel, hvis du er 24 år gammel, med andre ord en typisk psykologstudent på 10. semester, er den nedre aldersgrensen for kjæresten din 19 år. Det er jo heller ikke utenkelig at en tredjeklassing i videregående skole vil synes det er stas å være sammen med en nesten-psykolog. Førsteklassingene på videregående er imidlertid forbuden frukt, i det minste dersom regelen om sosialt akseptabel aldersforskjell faktisk gjelder. Men gjør den egentlig det? Forskningen viser som alltid at bildet er mer nyansert.

Stemmer aldersregelen med menn og kvinners alderspreferanser? 
Våre venner Bram P. Buunk, Pieternel Dijkstra, Douglas T. Kenrick og Astrid Warntjes fant i sin undersøkelse i 2001 at menn helst ville være i et forhold med kvinner som var eldre enn regelen skulle tilsi. Skal du lese én eneste vitenskapelig artikkel dette året, anbefaler jeg at det blir denne. Ikke bare er den nyttig i forståelsen av voksne mennesker – den er også godt skrevet, i motsetning til VG og Dagbladets mer sensasjonspregede samlivsveiledninger. Den nedre aldersgrensen for mennenes seksuelle fantasier lå imidlertid lavere enn regelen skulle tilsi. Ettersom fantasier ikke er synlige for omgivelsene før de omsettes i handling og ikke lenger er kun fantasier, kan man likevel argumentere for at regelen gjelder. Den øvre aldersgrensen for kvinner som mennene kunne tenke seg å gå inn i et forpliktende forhold til, lå lavere enn regelen skulle tilsi. Dette tyder på at for menn gjelder regelen nedover, altså for hvor unge kvinner menn synes det er sosialt akseptabelt å innlede et forhold til. Regelen ser imidlertid ikke ut til å gjelde oppover, altså for hvor mye eldre kvinnen kan være enn mannen.

For kvinner var bildet annerledes. Kvinnene satte den nedre aldersgrensen for potensielle partnere høyere enn regelen sier, altså at de foretrakk menn som var eldre enn regelen skulle tilsi. Tilsvarende var kvinnenes seksuelle fantasier knyttet til menn som var eldre enn deres egen alder dividert på to pluss syv. Når det kom til den øvre grensen, var det for kvinnene som for mennene; helst vil man ha noen som er på omtrent samme sted i livet, og ikke noen som allerede står på venteliste til aldershjemmet.

Denne teksten er skrevet av Rune Braaten, 11. semester på profesjonsstudiet i psykologi

Referanser: 
Referanser? Nei, jeg skal være barmhjertig nok til hverken å oppgi butikksjefens navn eller nåværende stilling. Faktisk tror jeg at jeg har glemt navnet hennes, og jeg aner ikke hva hun i dag jobber med. Antagelig er hun snart pensjonist.
Buunk, B. P., Dijkstra, P., Kenrick, D. T., & Warntjes, A. (2001). Age preferences for mates as related to gender, own age, and involvement level. Evolution and Human Behavior, 22, 241-250.
Nabokov, V., & Bang-Hansen, O. (2010). Lolita (Vol. Bok nr. 54, Verdensbiblioteket). Oslo: De norske bokklubbene.
http://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p20-570.pdf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201405/who-is-too-young-or-too-old-you-date
https://www.thecalculator.co/time/Age-Difference-Calculator-397.html


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