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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 554

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 595

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 535

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 544

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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::next() should either be compatible with Iterator::next(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 175

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::key() should either be compatible with Iterator::key(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 164

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::valid() should either be compatible with Iterator::valid(): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 186

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::rewind() should either be compatible with Iterator::rewind(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 138

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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetGet($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 89

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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetUnset($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 127

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 199

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Den stygge alderdommen – Speilvendt
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Den stygge alderdommen


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Tekst: Sissel Gran
Foto: Kristoffer Myhre

Deler av teksten er tidligere publisert i Morgenbladet 17.12.2021 med tittelen  Alder er ikke bare et tall. Vi bedømmes etter vårt ytre

«Ingenting burde være mer forventet, men ingenting er mer uventet enn alderdommen.»
Simone De Beauvoir (1970)

Sannhetens øyeblikk

Det er Simone de Beauvoir som skriver dette i sitt storverk Alderdommen (1). Hun henviser til Goethe og hans utsagn om at alderen tar fatt i oss som en overraskelse. Selv var jeg i sekstiårene da jeg første gang så min for lengst avdøde mor som et glimt i en vindusrute idet jeg halset forbi på fortauet. Jeg skvatt. Det tok meg et lite sekund å forstå at skikkelsen var meg selv. Jeg var førti år inni, men ikke på utsiden. Forskrekkelsen handlet nok ikke om desperat alders-benektning, mer om en slags indre alders-forsinkelse – helt normalt, ifølge aldersforskningen (2). I Mitt Abruzzo (3) beskriver den 69 år gamle forfatteren Per Petterson sitt eget aldringssjokk. Han deltar i en digital boksamtale og blir konfrontert med sitt eget ansikt på skjermen. Han skriver: «Jeg husker Sam Shepard, forfatter og skuespiller, da han ble intervjua av New York times? Guardian? Etter hukommelsen: ‘The trouble with growing older is that your face falls apart.’ (…) Jeg så meg sjøl på skjermen mellom den vakre Asta Olivia Nordenhof og den vakre Kaja Schjerven Mollerin. Sannhetens øyeblikk!» 

Forvandlingen gjør oss forvirret, sier Beauvoir. Man er altså blitt en annen, samtidig som man fremdeles er seg selv. Hun avviser manges ønsketenkning om at «så lenge du føler deg ung, er du det.» Vi kan riktignok oppleve å ha et yngre eller aldersløst, uforanderlig indre selv – jeg har reflektert over fenomenet i min egen bok Inni er vi alltid unge (4) – men denne fornemmelsen (som faktisk starter før vi er 30) tar ikke bort alderdommens kompliserte sannhet: Min væren for andre er annerledes enn min væren for meg selv. Andre ser vår aldring, og omgivelsenes reaksjon på vår forvandling kan være nådeløs og påvirke vår selvoppfatning negativt. Vår overgang til «feil» side av det tauet som skiller ung fra gammel starter tidlig, sier aktivist og forfatter Ashton Applewhite. I sin bok This Chair Rocks. A Manifesto Against Ageism (5), gjengir hun dette utsagnet fra den lokale bloggen ved New York University: «It makes us feel some toxic combination of alienation, self-righteousness, nostalgia, and a smattering of annoyance. Do we feel OLD?? … Is the only salvation the silent grave?» Disse bloggerne er unge studenter, skriver Applewhite, «still on the ‘right’ side of that rope, but already oppressed by ageist norms». Jeg håper og tror det står bedre til her, men ungdommelighets-, renhets og glatthetsidealet blir steinhardt markedsført i vår kultur og kan være vanskelig å verge seg mot.  

Dobbeltskam

En medial rystelse ble utløst da den svenske forfatteren og journalisten Åsa Linderborg (6) offentlig innrømmet at hun ikke lenger følte seg bekvem med å vise ansiktet sitt på tv. Hun skammet seg over sine synlige aldringstegn, en flott kvinne, 53 år gammel. Jeg ble ikke rystet over at hun sa det, for denne følelsen deler hun med mange, også mennesker som aldri er på tv. Det som var rystende for meg, var mottakelsen, den usminkede forakten hun ble møtt med. Ved å tilstå at hun skammet seg, kastet hun angivelig skam på alle andre kvinner og bidro til å svekke deres allerede reduserte selvfølelse. I diverse kommentarfelt ble hun fremstilt som et svakt og forfengelig individ som bare burde «komme seg ned i arkivskuffen igjen», som en eldre kvinne skrev på Facebook.

 «Som opinionsdanner får jeg mange leserreaksjoner», skrev Linderborg i sin kronikk. «De har forandret seg i takt med min aldring. De som ikke liker det jeg skriver, kunne for femten år siden gå løs på underlivet mitt: ‘Du trenger litt kuk.’ Ti år etter gikk de løs på hjernen min: ‘Du er så jævla dum i hodet at man ikke vet om man skal le eller gråte.’ Nå angriper de utseendet mitt: ‘Du begynner å se gammel ut, Åsa.’ De skriver at de synes synd på mannen min.» Reaksjonene fra norske kvinner var ikke bedre enn de ovennevnte. Men hvorfor dette raseriet? Raseri utløses gjerne av en følelse av å bli krenket, og det forstår vi, vi tåler dårlig å bli tråkket på. Men var det dette Linderborg gjorde, tråkket hun virkelig på andre kvinner da hun pekte på et fenomen som er utbredt i vårt samfunn, som preger vårt syn på eldre og gamle og som også smitter over på synet på oss selv, nemlig aldersdiskriminering; alderisme? Jeg synes ikke det. Hun løftet fram et samfunnsproblem; hvordan alder og erfaring gradvis er blitt mer undervurdert i takt med framveksten av idéen om mennesket som verdifullt utelukkende i kraft av sin vekst- og nytteverdi. Det aldrende mennesket oppfattes av mange som i beste fall irrelevant, i verste fall som regelrett frastøtende. Som psykolog er det fristende å tenke at det er frykten for døden som ligger bak disse holdningene, at vi ikke orker å bli minnet på vår egen forgjengelighet og det grusomme faktum at aldringsprosessen starter den dagen vi blir født, derfor skyver vi de gamle ut av syns-og interessefeltet vårt. Det er ikke en god nok forklaring, skriver aldersforsker Runar Bakken i sin bok I løvens gap (7). Det handler vel så mye om en stille marginalisering, et resultat av villet politikk og nyliberalistisk ideologi: «I den virkeligheten som aviser, fjernsyn og andre medier speiler, er gamle usynlige; de fremstår som en ‘fremmed art’». Jeg er enig. Jeg kan kjenne det. Det begynner å koste å gjøre seg gjeldende, selv om gamle, erfarne psykologer som meg faktisk er attraktive. Det kan være vanskeligere å bli møtt med respekt som nyutdannet psykolog. Da er man ikke «tørr bak øra», som vi sa i gamle dager. Alderismen går begge veier, også unge diskrimineres fordi de er – unge.  

«Det aldrende mennesket oppfattes av mange som i beste fall irrellevant, i verste fall regelrett frastøtende.»

Å slå tilbake 

Det finnes riktignok dem som slipper unna alderen, den preller av på dem. Mange kunstnere arbeider ufortrødent langt inn i det aldersforskere kaller den fjerde alder, langt inn i åttiårene. Og kanskje er kunsten nettopp det stedet der aldring ikke forbindes med skam, men snarere med det universelt evigvarende og dypt fellesmenneskelige? «Kunst kan være et godt utgangspunkt for et mer adekvat blikk på den aldrende kroppen», skriver Kjetil Røed i Morgenbladet (8) under overskriften Å erkjenne aldring er å se den på nytt. Han viser til Lucian Freuds selvportrett Painter Working, Reflection (1993), et maleri som viser den nakne kunstneren i arbeid, en mann som «står i alderdommen, med føttene i bakken.» Den 8. mai i år (2022) var jeg på et symposium om alderisme, arrangert av nettopp kunstnere. Deres bekymring var aldrende kunstneres/frilanseres situasjon. Dette er en gruppe med stor risiko, uten fast inntekt, med nedgang i oppdrag i takt med alderen, med utsikt til fattigdom i alderdommen. De sterke talte på vegne av de mange, og de som talte var krystallklare. En av hovedtalerne var nevnte amerikanske aktivist og journalist Ashton Applewhite. Symposiet fant sted på Club Elsker, på dagtid, nattklubbstemning kl 15:00. Arrangementet ble ledet av dragartist-veteran Terje Schrøder, i skamløs, glitrende mundur. Jeg har sjelden sett så mange tøffe, fargerike eldre, en catwalk av mangfold, men også mange unge deltok og tok mikrofonen. Det ble et møte på tvers av alder, kjønn, legning og etnisitet. En løfterikt fellesskap. 

«Unge og eldre må gjøre felles sak i kampen mpt aldersstereotypier.»

 Livsfaser må anerkjennes

Jeg har nettopp lest Øyeblikk for evigheten, en besk og sår, men vidunderlig roman om et samliv preget av aldring, forfall og død. Forfatter Kjersti Anfinnsen strekker hånden ut til de virkelig gamle og menneskeliggjør deres erfaringer. Derved skaper hun et emosjonelt og mentalt bånd mellom generasjonene. Hun viser til det jeg lengter etter, at alderdommen må normaliseres, at livsfaser må anerkjennes, at vi må motvirke aldersapartheid. Vi må bygge bro mellom eldre og unge. Vi må ville hverandre vel, vi må stå sammen mot en politikk og en markedslogikk som er egnet til å skape en motsetning mellom aldersgrupper, der eldre kontinuerlig fremstilles som en frådende, grå tsunami som kommer til å velte over oss om noen år og brekke ryggen på de unge i befolkningen. Pessimismen i resonnementet er grov. Friske, eldre mennesker har aldri bidratt så mye, så lenge, både som arbeidstakere, forbrukere, frivillige og familiemedlemmers støtteapparat. De eldre stenger ikke for de unge, de stjeler ikke de unges jobber, det er en myte. Arbeidsplasser med en miks av eldre og unge er tvert imot produktive. Vi må ha møtepunkter. Lever generasjonene for segregert, gir det næring til polariserte, destruktive fordommer (9). Hvor mange ganger har jeg ikke gremmet meg de siste årene over mange eldres nedvurderende utsagn av typen unge i dag er bortskjemte, selvopptatte persilleblader! Det er alderisme! Til kamp mot den holdningen. I 1998- utgaven av tidsskriftet Family Therapy Networker  (nå Psychotherapy Networker) intervjues en 77 år gammel Betty Friedan, feminist, aktivist og forfatter, om sin karriere. Hun pryder forsiden med sitt praktfulle, karakteristiske klok-ugle-ansikt og sitt eget slagord: «Old is not a dirty word.» (10) Det har gått 24 år siden den gang, og slagordet er viktigere enn noensinne. Unge og eldre/gamle må gjøre felles sak i kampen mot aldersstereotypier. 

Våre menneskelige kår

Jeg lar Simone de Beauvoir runde av denne teksten: «La oss holde opp med å jukse: Meningen med livet vårt står på spill i den fremtiden som venter oss, vi vet ikke hvem vi er hvis vi ikke vet hvem vi kommer til å bli: La oss gjenkjenne oss selv i den gamle mannen og den gamle kvinnen. Det må vi hvis vi vil ta inn over oss i sin helhet våre menneskelige kår. Da kommer vi ikke lenger til likegyldig å godta en elendig alderdom; vi kommer til å føle at det angår oss, og det gjør det.» 

Sissel Gran er psykologspesialist, skribent for Morgenbladet og forfatter av bøker som Men størst av alt er begjæret: kjøttets higen i liv og litteratur (2021),  Inni er vi alltid unge: Aldringsmeditasjoner (2019) og Det er slutt: historier om løsrivelse (2016).

Referanser:
1.  Simone de Beauvoir: Alderdommen (1970)
2.  Svein Olav Daatland: Aldring som provokasjon (2008)
3.  Per Petterson: Mitt Abruzzo (2021)
4.  Sissel Gran: Inni er vi alltid unge. Aldringsmeditasjoner (2019)
5.  Ashton Applewhite: This Chair Rocks. A Manifesto Against Ageism (2019)
6.  NRK Ytring 6. november 2021
7.  Runar Bakken: I løvens gap (2022)
8.  Kjetil Røed i Morgenbladet 19.11.2021: Å erkjenne aldring er å se den på nytt
9.  Hagestad, G. og Uhlenberg P. i Journal of Social Issues, 61, 343-360: The social separation of old and young: A root of ageism (2005) 
10.   Richard Simon i Family Therapy Networker. Psychotherapy & Modern Life juli/august 1998: Betty Friedan takes on the Age Mystique 


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