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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 554

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 595

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 535

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 544

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 952

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 972

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 984

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 995

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::current() should either be compatible with Iterator::current(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 151

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::next() should either be compatible with Iterator::next(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 175

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::key() should either be compatible with Iterator::key(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 164

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::valid() should either be compatible with Iterator::valid(): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 186

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::rewind() should either be compatible with Iterator::rewind(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 138

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetExists($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 75

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetGet($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 89

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetSet($index, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 110

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetUnset($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 127

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 199

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property ACF::$fields is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/advanced-custom-fields/includes/fields.php on line 138

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Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 395

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 387

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 381

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 399

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 78

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Tweetstorm_Gather::$is_wpcom is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/class-wpcom-rest-api-v2-endpoint-tweetstorm-gather.php on line 22

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Gutenberg_Available_Extensions::$wpcom_is_site_specific_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/gutenberg-available-extensions.php on line 20

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Memberships::$wpcom_is_wpcom_only_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/memberships.php on line 23

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Memberships::$wpcom_is_site_specific_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/memberships.php on line 24

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Subscribers::$wpcom_is_wpcom_only_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/subscribers.php on line 15

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Deprecated: DateTime::__construct(): Passing null to parameter #1 ($datetime) of type string is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/script-loader.php on line 331

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property acf_field_oembed::$width is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/advanced-custom-fields/includes/fields/class-acf-field-oembed.php on line 31

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property acf_field_oembed::$height is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/advanced-custom-fields/includes/fields/class-acf-field-oembed.php on line 32

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property acf_field_google_map::$default_values is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/advanced-custom-fields/includes/fields/class-acf-field-google-map.php on line 33

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property acf_field__group::$have_rows is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/advanced-custom-fields/includes/fields/class-acf-field-group.php on line 31

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WP_Block_Type::$plan_check is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-type.php on line 284

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property CZR_header_model_class::$topbar_nbwrapper_container_class is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/themes/customizr/core/fmk-ccat.php on line 283

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Eksistensiell psykoterapi – Speilvendt
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Eksistensiell psykoterapi


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Eksistensiell psykoterapi av Irvin D. Yalom, var aldri på pensum, men i løpet av de seks årene jeg gikk på profesjonsstudiet i psykologi, var det den viktigste boken jeg leste.

 

Foto: Erik Eielsen
Foto: Erik Eielsen

 

Jeg sykler hjem fra byen, jeg er 31 år. Jeg har feiret bursdagen til en venn av meg. Vi har spist sushi og drukket alkohol. Jeg er høyt oppe. Jeg synes det har vært en jævlig fin kveld. På veien hjem sykler jeg innom skolen hvor jeg gikk på videregående. Jeg sykler inn i skolegården, til en av oppslagstavlene. Der henger det en lapp hvor det står: ’Revymøte i storefri’. ”Den revyen var jeg også med på”, tenker jeg. ”Det er 12 år siden. Og de årene har gått så fort. Og så går 12 år til. Og 12 år til. Og 12 år til. Og så er det slutt”. Det trykker i brystet. Jeg puster fortere og fortere, og gråter ukontrollert. Jeg er livredd.

 

Hva er mennesket aller mest redd for? Dette granittspørsmålet er utgangspunktet for den amerikanske professoren i psykiatri, Irvin D. Yalom sin eksistensielle tilnærming. I sin bokskisserer Yalom fire temaer, eller eksistensielle vilkår, som han mener fører til menneskets mest fundamentale angst. Disse er: døden, meningsløsheten, isolasjonen og friheten.

Hvert av vilkårene inneholder en konflikt, ifølge Yalom, og angsten oppstår fordi konfliktene ikke har noen egentlig løsning. Vilkåret om døden inneholder en konflikt som handler om menneskets ønske om å leve versus vissheten om at det skal dø. Vilkåret om isolasjonen handler om menneskets ønske om kontakt og nærhet med andre versus vissheten om ens absolutte isolasjon. Vilkåret om meningsløsheten belyser det angstvekkende i å være et meningssøkende vesen kastet inn i et univers uten mening. Mens vilkåret om friheten viser til hvordan mennesket er fritt og ansvarlig til selv å skape mening og struktur i livet sitt, og at det til syvende og sist er alene om dette.

Ett spørsmål synes umiddelbart: Hvis disse vilkårene ikke har noen løsning, hvordan skal vi da forholde oss til dem? Hvordan skal vi håndtere angsten som vilkårene medfører? Vi håndterer slik angst på samme måte som vi håndterer all annen angst, ifølge Yalom: Vi forsøker å befri oss fra den. Vi utvikler ubevisste strategier og forsvarsmekanismer for å beskytte oss.

Disse strategiene har gjerne et relasjonelt preg, ifølge Yalom. Vi søker oss for eksempel til det han kaller endelige befriere – «allmektige instanser utenfor oss selv, som i all evighet holder øye med oss, elsker og beskytter oss og som i siste instans vil redde oss» fra de grusomme vilkårene. Det kanskje mest nærliggende eksempel på dette, er hvordan det religiøse mennesket søker seg til gud for slik lindring. Men det finnes også effektive instanser i nærmiljøet.

 

«Selv om den fysiske død tilintetgjør oss, kan tanken på døden redde oss.»

 

I fjor fikk jeg en mail fra Mamma der hun i harde ordelag skrev at jeg måtte pusse tenna, barbere meg og vaske håret. Jeg ble veldig sint og provosert da jeg leste mailen. Jeg fikk lyst til å skrike til henne at jeg var voksen, at jeg hadde ansvaret for mitt eget liv og at hun ikke skulle blande seg. Men – så tror jeg også det var en annen del av meg som takket henne i det stille. Fordi hun tross alt, gjennom mailen, viser at hun fortsatt passer på meg – akkurat slik hun gjorde da jeg var liten.

Og kanskje går det andre veien også? Kanskje én del av henne prøver å gi meg frihet og ansvar, mens en annen del av henne hvisker, knapt hørbart: «Puss ikke tenna, bli ikke voksen, forbli et barn – for da vil heller ikke jeg eldes». Og så sitter vi der begge to: Jeg tilsynelatende indignert, hun tilsynelatende oppgitt, mens vi samtidig, i det stille, kan gni oss i hendene og si: «Vi har fryst tiden, vi holder døden på avstand».

 

Illustrasjon: Mathias Frøyhaug
Illustrasjon: Mathias Frøyhaug

 

Angsten for de fire eksistensielle vilkårene er så overveldende, ifølge Yalom, at vi ikke klarer å utholde den spesielt lenge.Derfor opptrer slik angst kun sjelden eller kortvarig i sin rå, opprinnelige form. I den delen av Eksistensiell psykoterapi som handler om dødsangst, siteres Søren Kierkegaards mørke ordspill: ”Hva frykter mennesket? Intet!” Yalom løfter frem hvordan angsten for intet, eller angsten for døden, avler en følelse av hjelpeløshet og avmakt som ikke kan lokaliseres. Derfor søker angsten for intet å bli til frykten for noe. Eller sagt annerledes: Hvis vi klarer å omdanne en uspesifikk angst for intet til en spesifikk frykt for noe, så kan vi også planlegge en strategi som beskytter oss.

Hvis vi for eksempel klarer å ubevisst gjøre om dødsangsten til mørkeredsel, eller hvis vi klarer å ubevisst gjøre om dødsangsten til frykt for bakterier, så har vi på én måte lykkes. For selv om vi ikke blir kvitt døden, så kan vi alltids skru på lyset eller vaske henda. Og dét gir oss en viss følelse av kontroll og mestring. Angsten for intet har da blitt til frykten for noe.

 

«I sin bok skisserer Yalom fire temaer, eller eksistensielle vilkår, som han mener fører til menneskets mest fundamentale angst. Disse er: døden, meningsløsheten, isolasjonen og friheten

 

På dette viset kaver mennesket rundt hele tiden. Vi forsøker å gjøre angst for intet om til frykt for noe, eller å finne beskyttelse hos en endelig befrier. Alt for å forsvare oss mot de eksistensielle vilkårene. Kanskje trenger vi også dette forsvaret på et eller annet vis. Yalom er for eksempel nøye med å understreke hvordan troen på den endelige befrier ikke er skadelig i seg selv. Tanken på at det finnes noen som passer på oss og beskytter oss, kan tvert imot være avgjørende for å få et godt liv. Det er kun når en slik strategi benyttes for ekstremt eller for rigid, at problemer kan oppstå, ifølge Yalom. Det er først når det blir noe tvungent og fastlåst over dem, at disse strategiene virker mot sin hensikt.

I den sammenheng trekker Yalom frem psykoanalytikeren Otto Rank. Rank gir figur til nettopp disse rigide ytterpunkter når han beskriver livet som en evig pendel mellom livsangst og dødsangst (s. 176:). «Individet streber etter å skille seg fra de andre, å oppnå individuasjon, å stadfeste sin autonomi», sier Rank. «Men det kommer en tid da det rammes av angst for livet. Individuasjon, videreutvikling eller bekreftelse på egen særegenhet, har sin pris: Det medfører en grusom, ensom følelse av å være ubeskyttet.

Dette er en følelse mennesket forsøker å lindre ved å gå i motsatt retning: En ”trekker seg tilbake”, forkaster individuasjonen, finner trøst i sammensmeltningen med en annen person og oppløser og utsletter seg selv til fordel for denne andre. Men likevel er også denne trøsten ustabil. Også dette alternativet vekker angst – angsten for døden». Og mellom disse polene av angst – livsangst og dødsangst – vandrer mennesket frem og tilbake hele livet, ifølge Rank.

 

«Hvis vi klarer å omdanne en uspesifikk angst for intet til en spesifikk frykt for noe, så kan vi også planlegge en strategi som beskytter oss.»

 

Vilkåret om døden inneholder altså en uløselig konflikt – menneskets ønske om å leve versus vissheten om at det skal dø. Igjen er det betimelig å spørre: Hvis vilkåret om døden ikke har noen løsning, hva er da vitsen med å beskjeftige seg med det? Hvorfor vil da Yalom åpne opp for dette, og de tre andre vilkårene, i terapirommet?

Kanskje ett mulig svar finnes i episoden jeg innledet denne teksten med. Da jeg stod der, i skolegården, ble jeg tydelig konfrontert med min egen død. Tidligere hadde jeg fornuftsmessig og intellektuelt selvfølgelig skjønt at jeg skulle dø, men der og da skylte det innover meg på en helt annen måte.

Det jeg opplevde i skolegården ligner på det Yalom kaller grensesituasjoner: «hendelser eller viktige opplevelser som etser seg inn i sinnet, og som kaster oss ut i en konfrontasjon med vår eksistensielle situasjon i verden». Disse grensesituasjonene har i seg et voldsomt endringsfremmende potensial, ifølge Yalom, og det er derfor det er så viktig å legge til rette for dem – også i terapirommet. Men akkurat hvor ligger det endringsfremmende potensialet? Hvordan er det slike grensesituasjoner kan hjelpe oss?

En ekte konfrontasjon med døden kan gi oss en reell følelse av at «noe står på spill», skriver Yalom. Den kan føre til en modigog gjennomgripende endring av vår måte å leve livet på. Den kan hjelpe oss å trivialisere det trivielle, og å velge å la være å gjøre de tingene vi ikke ønsker å gjøre. Den kan gjøre oss mindre engstelig overfor andre mennesker, mindre bekymret for å bli avvist og gi oss større vilje til å satse. Det ligger en tveegget erkjennelse der, at selv om den fysiske død tilintetgjør oss, kan tanken på døden redde oss.

 


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