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Gammel kjærlighet ruster ikke – Speilvendt
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Gammel kjærlighet ruster ikke


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Tekst: Rune Braaten
Foto: Jarda Sma (Pixabay)

Du begynner å bli gammel nå. Jeg husker da du fremdeles var ung, lekker og lovende. Da du var den fineste modellen på markedet. Du var strålende vakker den dagen du ble min, og du har fulgt meg trofast helt fram til nå.

Men nå begynner du å skrante, og du er ikke lenger like rask som før. Noen sier at det er fordi du ikke klarer å håndtere like mye informasjon som de yngre, og at du ikke mestrer den nye teknologien. Andre sier at du kanskje aldri har vært spesielt rask, men at vi ble blendet av ditt skinnende vakre ytre. Men etter hvert har du fått noen synlige skader og skavanker, og du er ikke lenger like motstandsdyktig som før. Du er ikke direkte rusten og ødelagt, bare litt slitt og sliten. Du er også mer sårbar enn de yngre for virusinfeksjoner. Jeg vet ærlig talt ikke lenger om jeg orker alle bekymringene som følger med det å hele tiden skulle verne deg mot nye farer.

Du frykter kanskje at du snart vil bli byttet ut med en yngre modell, og at du vil havne i en skuff. Der i den mørke skuffen vil du ligge skjult for verden, og etter ganske kort tid vil du være helt glemt. Det er kanskje, tross alt, en mer takknemlig skjebne enn å bli liggende halvveis tildekket sammen med annet skrot og rask, etter hvert ganske så støvete, og med den synlige skammen over å være utrangert og umoderne. Du vil kanskje noen ganger overhøre at jeg snakker om deg, med en blanding av ømhet og forakt, og jeg vil nevne de gangene vi hadde gode stunder sammen, men også trekke fram dine svakheter. Det er kanskje smertefullt å høre at jeg ikke lenger synes du ser fin ut, og at de fint avrundede formene jeg en gang var så glad i ikke lenger gir det samme inntrykket av diskret eleganse og sjarmerende detaljer.

Jeg husker den tiden da vi var nære og fortrolige, og du besvarte ethvert spørsmål med en nøye innstudert respons. Bortsett fra de tilfellene da du ikke visste svaret, og selv da var det noe søtt ved reaksjonen din. Men jeg skal være ærlig nok til å innrømme at det var noen ganger jeg var ordentlig sint på deg, fordi du ikke ville gjøre som jeg ville, og jeg hadde lyst til å kaste deg i veggen.

Jeg har prøvd å pynte deg etter hvert som du har blitt gammel og slitt. Jeg ga deg nye etuier og antrekk, men også de har måttet tåle tidens tann og ser i dag falmet ut. Noen ganger forsøkte jeg å forstå ditt indre liv, og jeg prøvde også noen ganger å gi deg et nytt bakgrunnsbilde. Men uansett hva jeg gjorde så beholdt du de personlige egenskapene dine – alle forsøk på å endre deg ble ikke mer enn et tynt lag sminke, som ikke klarte å skjule hvem du virkelig var.

Du har vært en trofast venn, og jeg kommer nok til å savne deg innimellom. Spesielt når den som skal erstatte deg viser sine mindre tiltalende sider. Alle har vi våre feil, og en yngre modell vil noen ganger ikke vite hva som er det riktige å gjøre eller hvordan man skal oppføre seg. Det er i de stundene jeg med ømhet vil tenke tilbake på tiden vi hadde sammen, men vi må nok begge innse at den tiden er forbi. Vi har vokst fra hverandre, jeg har andre og sterkere behov nå, og verden går videre, mens du henger igjen i det gamle. Det er på tide å gi slipp på deg, så du må forberede deg på at jeg ikke lenger kommer til å holde deg i hånden hele tiden.

Takk for de gleder du ga meg, jeg skal aldri glemme deg, mobiltelefonen min.

Rune Braaten går 11. semester på profesjonsstudiet i psykologi


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