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Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 554

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 595

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 535

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Theme::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-theme.php on line 544

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 952

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 972

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 984

Deprecated: Return type of WP_REST_Request::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-request.php on line 995

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::current() should either be compatible with Iterator::current(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 151

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::next() should either be compatible with Iterator::next(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 175

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::key() should either be compatible with Iterator::key(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 164

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::valid() should either be compatible with Iterator::valid(): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 186

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::rewind() should either be compatible with Iterator::rewind(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 138

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetExists($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 75

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetGet($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 89

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetSet($index, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 110

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::offsetUnset($index) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 127

Deprecated: Return type of WP_Block_List::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-includes/class-wp-block-list.php on line 199

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Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 395

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 387

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 381

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 399

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 78

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 72

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 59

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 82

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Tweetstorm_Gather::$is_wpcom is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/class-wpcom-rest-api-v2-endpoint-tweetstorm-gather.php on line 22

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Gutenberg_Available_Extensions::$wpcom_is_site_specific_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/gutenberg-available-extensions.php on line 20

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Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Memberships::$wpcom_is_site_specific_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/memberships.php on line 24

Deprecated: Creation of dynamic property WPCOM_REST_API_V2_Endpoint_Subscribers::$wpcom_is_wpcom_only_endpoint is deprecated in /home/1/s/speilvendt/www/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/_inc/lib/core-api/wpcom-endpoints/subscribers.php on line 15

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Hvem faen tok votten til Patrik? – Speilvendt
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Hvem faen tok votten til Patrik?


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TEKST: SARA MARJANOVIC
ILLUSTRASJON: MARKUS ULRICHSEN

Solen er i ferd med å brenne opp bak de mektige fjellene i horisonten. Luften er frisk og stikkende, nesten utålelig kald. Den strømmer gjennom alt som lever. En temmelig medtatt rødrev tusler tvers over gårdstunet. Han blir nesten usynlig i det senkende mørket. Bortenfor det hvite havet, over veien, overfor naboen, like ved kunstgressbanen, bak den lille bjørkeskogen, i lyngen et sted, har noen tent et bål. Røyken stiger opp mellom de tynne grenene som strekker pekefingrene sine opp mot himmeltaket. Ved nattens ankomst kan man høre stemmer.

Hvem faen tok votten til Patrik?

Hvor faen er Patrik?

Har noen sett Patrik?

Jeg er ganske sikker på at
Patrik er død.

Nei, han har bare gått og gjemt seg.

Så hvor faen er votten hans?

Det er faen ikke din sak er det?

Det er faen meg min sak, jo.

Patrik er en av oss.

Nå var det faktisk jeg som tok
de vottene, så hold kjeft.

Når faen så du Patrik sist?

Ja, hvem faen så Patrik sist?

Patrik er død.
Herregud han er død.

Kan du slutte å rope?
Du er så jævlig irriterende 
når du gråter.

HVEM FAEN SÅ PATRIK SIST?

Mannen som sist så Patrik vil forbli seg anonym av årsaker vi ikke kan gå inn på akkurat nå, men han kan vitne om at Patrik ble dratt etter venstre øre langs grusveien ned til fotballbanen, og senere ført bak gymsalen av gymlæreren, der alt skulle skje, fra ende til annen, en henrettelse i tre akter, så blodig og makaber som bare en gymlærer kan få det til å være.  

Rektor nekter for alt. 

Se det for deg. 

Patrik bundet fast, stilt opp etter veggen og lagt på kne. Er det en verdig måte å dø på? 

Rektor nekter for at Patrik er død. 

Du er sikkert forvirret. Jeg skal forsøke å gi deg et klarere bilde av hva det var som skjedde. Tyve tiendeklassinger stilt opp på rekke og rad foran gutten som vi av ukjente årsaker har valgt å kalle for Patrik. Tyve tiendeklassinger, hver og en av dem utstyrt med golfkølle og golfballer. Se for deg det. Helt absurd. Utegym, midt i desember. Og så golf? Tyve tiendeklassingene begynner å skyte mot mål. Målet er Patrik. Patrik er i mål.

Rektor nekter for at skolen noen gang har hatt golfutstyr. 

Blodet sildrer nedover den rosenrøde huden til Patrik, nedover den mørkeblå boblejakka hans og lager mørke spor i det myke stoffet.

Rektor nekter for at det finnes noen på hele skolen, noen i hele Norge, noen i hele verden som heter Patrik. 

Patrik har svarte nylonvotter. Nylonvotter som er en halv størrelse for store. Han vikler ut høyrehånda og begynner å krabbe bort fra kuleregnet. Er det din eller min feil at Patrik kommer seg løs? Burde vi latt han gå? Det synes ikke golfspilleren ytterst til høyre, han oppdager rømningsforsøket og blåser i fløyta. 

Patrik, den morrapulern prøver å stikke av!

Ta han.

Hæ? Skal vi faktisk ta på han?

Gjør som jeg sier!
Ta han!

Æsj, jeg vil ikke ta på han.

Ta han!

Dette er mord!

Men dette er krig.

Dette er ikke oss.
Det er han.
Og det er oss.

Enten han eller dere.

Enten han eller oss!

Herregud, vi kommer til å dø!

Herregud, vi er mordere!

Ta han.

Ingen vil ta på Patrik. Ingen vil se på Patrik. Alle vil at Patrik skal forsvinne. At gymlæreren, golfballene og blodet skal forsvinne. Tyve tiendeklassinger som vil hjem til mamma, middag, Playstation og pornobladene i kjelleren. Hjem til leselekser og fotballtrening, pliktene og de trygge rammene og den rottne frukten som har stått og modnet på kjøkkenbenken alt for lenge. Men det henger i luften, den søte, men kvalmende duften av at alle har noe uoppgjort med Patrik. Det er sånne ting som ikke pleier å gå over av seg selv. Det hjelper ikke å åpne et vindu når stanken først har satt seg i møblementet. Gymlæreren ser seg nødt til å ta golfkøllen og Patriks skjebne i egne hender. En gymlærer må tross alt ta regi der det trengs. Han banner høyt, ser opp mot Gud og ikke på Patrik, før han tar sats og knuser skallen hans med ett eneste, målrettet og gjennomført slag. Tusen poeng til gymlæreren. Bling, bling bling. Hjernen til Patrik, minnene og tankene, uangripelige ting som frykt og begjær, drømmer, forestillinger og evne til selvstendig tenkning, aller høyeste måloppnåelse og kjempebra, flink gutt, flyter utover det snøbelagte underlaget. Tyve tiendeklassinger står og brekker seg ved synet av sjelen til Patrik som ligger fremfor føttene deres. Gymlæreren står lent over Patrik en stund. De sterke, hårete armene drypper av blod og svette. Han puster og peser, brekker seg og grynter før han snur seg mot golfspillerne og brøler:

Dere stryker i gym. 

Hver og en av dere. 

Neste uke begynner vi med turn.

Rektor nekter for at det finnes et fag som heter gym, og hun nekter for at hun noensinne har ansatt en gymlærer. Hun nekter til og med for at hun noen gang har vært rektor, og for at hun eksisterer. Man kan ikke krangle med noen som påstår at de ikke eksisterer. Så vi vet egentlig ikke om vitnet lyver, eller om det er rektor som lyver. Men Patrik er borte. Det vet vi helt sikkert. 

Nå har snøen smeltet bort, blodsporene har rent ned i avløpssystemet, og nylonvottene er sporløst forsvunnet. Ingen har spurt etter Patrik. Det finnes ingen fortvilte foreldre, ingen privatdetektiv og heller ingen gravende journalister. En fjern slektning er kommet for å gjøre krav på Patrik sine etterlatte eiendeler, men Patrik har ikke etterlatt seg noe. Det er som at en hel by har visket Patrik fra minnet. Pulten til Patrik stues inn i et hjørne. Vaktmesteren fjerner navnelappen hans med aceton. Snart er denne fortellingen over, og da kommer du til å glemme han også. Hvor er Patrik nå? 

Sara Marjanovic går 3. semester på profesjonsstudiet i psykologi


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