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Menn, barn og andre rekvisitter i et møblert hjem – Speilvendt
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Menn, barn og andre rekvisitter i et møblert hjem


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Barn er grusomme, men instinktivt insisterer vi på å produsere flere av dem. Har noen menn nå kommet på bedre tanker?

 

En fjerdedel av norske menn får visstnok ikke egne barn. Neivel, og hva skal vi gjøre med det? Har vi i det hele tatt noen grunn til å bekymre oss? En manns mor bekymrer seg for mangelen på barnebarn, en samfunnsøkonom bekymrer seg for hvem som skal opprettholde de framtidige pensjonsinnbetalingene, en sosiolog bekymrer seg for marginaliseringen av en stor gruppe menn, en psykolog bekymrer seg for stort sett det meste man kan tenke seg. Mens den marginaliserte mannen selv bekymrer seg for om han rekker å kjøpe øl før butikken stenger.

 

Gjennomgangsmelodien i flere av analysene, eller kanskje mer presist uttrykt spekulasjonene, om den fjerdedelen av menn som ikke får barn, er at en undergruppe av disse vil utgjøre en samling tapere: De er de mennene som ingen vil ha, de som alltid står igjen langs veggen mens de andre danser. Ikke nok med at jentene foretrekker å danse med andre menn, jentene vil også heller danse med hverandre enn å danse med disse tiloversblevne stakkarene. Psykologien kan tilby terapeutisk bistand til å akseptere situasjonen, mens nærbutikkene kan tilby salg av alkoholholdig drikke, som etter sigende kan brukes i et forsøk på å drukne sorgene.

 

Hvorfor ønsker folk seg egentlig barn? Barn er siklende små vesener som river ned alt som ikke står på den øverste hyllen, så høyt at det til en viss grad er utilgjengelig også for de voksne. Om disse små monstrenes atferd aktiverer ømhet og lignende emosjoner kan man vurdere å heller skaffe seg en hundevalp. Hundevalpen er lettere å dressere, blir raskere voksen, og dersom oppdragelsen feiler fullstendig kan man enkelt løse problemet med en tur til dyrlegen. Det er ikke nødvendigvis eutanasi som er løsningen på kjæledyrets problematferd ­– noen ganger er det tilstrekkelig med kastrering, men hverken eutanasi eller kastrering anses som sosialt akseptable intervensjoner når det gjelder brysomme menneskebarn. Det er et forferdelig slag mot selvfølelsen når du objektivt vurderer at dine foreldre ut fra sin genetiske disposisjon og sine personlighetstrekk aldri burde fått barn. Den mann som tar konsekvensen av en slik innsikt vil kanskje se det rasjonelle i å heller oppfostre en annen manns barn, i håp om at ungen muligvis har et bedre genetisk utgangspunkt enn om han selv hadde levert den nødvendige halvpart av genmaterialet. Evolusjonsteoretikerne vil kanskje påstå at man alltid søker å bringe sine gener videre, men sett i et mer kortsiktig perspektiv er det viktigere å maksimere velstanden i ens eget liv enn å sikre en lang rekke av mer eller mindre veltilpassede etterkommere. Hvis prisen man betaler for å bo med idealkvinnen er at man må utstå de irriterende ungene hun har fra før, er det kanskje likevel verdt det. Det er jo et håp om at det fremdeles vil være noen som tar vare på deg når du blir gammel. Om ikke av lyst, så i det minste av pliktfølelse. Og om heller ikke pliktfølelsen er sterk, så er kanskje forventningen om et sympatisk arveoppgjør en god nok motivasjon til at stebarna legger seg litt ekstra i selen.

 

Den viktigste lærdommen vi kan trekke av salige Freuds gnål om Ødipus, er at det ikke gis garantier for at vårt eget avkom ikke vil skade oss. Og om de ikke regelrett tar livet av oss når vi står på høyden av vår makt, er muligheten absolutt til stede for at de ved hjelp av tvang plasserer oss på gamlehjem før vi selv ønsker. Nå skal det jo sies at heller ikke adoptivbarn alltid vil vårt beste, noe historien om Julius Cæsar og adoptivsønnen Brutus så tydelig viser. Det er likevel en mulighet for at det kan være like effektivt å opparbeide respekt og omsorg fra et såkalt bonusbarn som ens eget barn. I verste fall får man heller true og undertrykke, i mangel av bedre strategier.

 

Drevet av erotisk lyst og evolusjonens imperativ stavrer den moderne mannen framover, i håp om å snuble over en passende make. I utgangspunktet søker han etter skjønnhet og ynde, men etter noen tid reduseres søket til et håp om ømhet, og til sist håper han ikke på mer enn en smule barmhjertighet. Antall kombinasjoner av mulige parforhold er omvendt proporsjonal med tiden vi har til rådighet, og innen vi har valgt, forkastet, valgt om igjen og angret nok en gang, er den moderne mannen tilbake der han startet ­– i den ytterste ensomhet, med en stadig voksende bunke av magasinet Jakt & Fiske, som han uansett aldri får lest.

 

 

Rune Braaten går 8. semester på profesjonsstudiet i psykologi.

Referanser:

Amundsen, Bård. (2014, 8. mai). Én av fire menn får ikke barn. Forskning.
Hentet fra https://forskning.no/kjonn-og-samfunn-likestilling-sosiologi/2014/05/en-av-fire-menn-far-ikkebarn.

Hobbelstad, Inger Merete. (2017, 8. april). Hver fjerde norske mann får ikke barn. Hva gjør det med samfunnet? Dagbladet.
Hentet fra
https://www.dagbladet.no/kultur/hver-fjerde-norskemann-far-ikke-barn-hva-gjor-det-med-samfunnet/67471763.

Pedersen, H.K.F. (2012, 22. mars). Disse mennene er mest attraktive. Klikk.
Hentet fra https://www.klikk.no/foreldre/disse-mennene-er-mest-attraktive-2339183. Roheim Håkonsen, J.;

Krekling, D.V. (2017, 1. november). Dramatisk økning i andelen barnløse. NRK.
Hentet fra https://www.nrk.no/norge/ dramatisk-okning-i-andelen-barnlose-i-norge-1.13759502.

Spilde, Ingrid. (2013, 16. september). Forskere: Personlighet påvirker hvor mange barn mannen får. VG.
Hentet fra https://www.vg.no/nyheter/innenriks/i/mkKaE/forskere-personlighetpaavirker-hvor-mange-barn-mannen-faar.


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