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mobil uten strøm og andre former for omsorgssvikt – Speilvendt
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mobil uten strøm og andre former for omsorgssvikt


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Skrevet av Rune Braaten

Mammaaa! Den lille jenta roper iltert, og vrir seg i barnevogna, i håp om å få kontakt med moren. Men det er ikke så enkelt å kommunisere med en mor som går med støykansellerende hodetelefoner. Det har etterhvert blitt vanlig å gå med hodetelefoner, slik at man kan stenge verden ute, men det gir i enkelte tilfeller utfordringer med tanke på tilknytning mellom barn og foreldre. Det er i det minste ikke urimelig å anta, selv om forskningens iboende treghet medfører at vi enda ikke kan trekke 100% sikre konklusjoner. Men i det minste kan vi søke om flere forskningsmidler, og det er jo en slags begynnelse det også.

Alle har hørt historien om den fraværende far, som alltid var på jobb og knapt nok ante hva ungene hans het og enda mindre hvordan de så ut. Men det er kanskje lettere å forholde seg til en forelder som er utilgjengelig fordi vedkommende ikke er fysisk til stede, enn en forelder som er fysisk til stede, men mentalt fraværende. Hvis man måler omsorgssvikt etter antall oppfylte kriterier i en diagnosemanual med tilhørende terskelverdier, hvor mange av dagens foreldre vil da kunne anklages for neglekt grunnet i overforbruk av sosiale medier, mobiltelefoner og hodetelefoner? Hva gjør det med oss som art dersom vi mister evnen til å kommunisere ansikt til ansikt, og kun forholder oss til hverandre via skjermer? Det litt diffuse begrepet “intersubjektivitet” handler egentlig ikke om meg og deg, men om meg og deg og mobiltelefonen. Hva er viktigst for barnet å lære? Emosjonsregulering eller opplæring i kunsten å regulere lydnivået på hodetelefonene? Så mange spørsmål, så få svar. Som alle studenter lærer å skrive som en god avslutning på ulike semesteroppgaver og eksamenbesvarelser: “Det synes vanskelig å trekke noen entydig konklusjon, og det trengs mer forskning.”

Nye tider kan by på nye traumer, og vår tids definisjon av traumer kan kanskje eksemplifiseres ved følgende mer eller mindre eksistensielle utfordringer: 

Mobilen har gått tom for strøm – hvordan påvirker dette opplevelsen av et handlende og sammenhengende jeg?

– Du har mistet tilgangen til kontoene på minst tre sosiale media – hvordan skal da andre mennesker kunne mentalisere deg, ettersom du tilsynelatende er ikke-eksisterende?

– Hvordan få et knekkebrød til å se lekkert ut på Instagram?

Slike spørsmål kan kun besvares korrekt med ett svar: “Det synes vanskelig å trekke noen entydig konklusjon, og det trengs mer forskning.”

Mobilen har gått tom for strøm – hvordan påvirker dette opplevelsen av et handlende og sammenhengende jeg?

Ikke all barndom er lykkelig. Eller mer presist: Ikke alle har en lykkelig barndom. I det minste ikke hele tiden. Eventuelt noe som helst av tiden.

For en tid tilbake hadde jeg en samtale med ei jente tidlig i tjueårene, som stolt fortalte at faren hennes hadde vært en av de første i Norge som hadde vært i LAR-behandling, altså legemiddelassistert rusbehandling. Hun omtalte ham som en pionér innen sitt felt, og snakket om faren med den samme stoltheten som om han hadde vært den første til å gå barbeint til Nordpolen. “Merkelig nok, ja, jeg mener – med det livet han levde; det var ikke heroinen som tok livet av ham, det var kreften”, sa hun ettertenksomt. Men så la hun til: “Men mamma, ja – det var en overdose.” Selv hadde hun vært hektet på heroin de siste tre årene, men mente selv at det hadde vært et par år før det da hun ikke var hektet, men bare brukte stoffet. Man skulle kanskje tro at noen med en slik bakgrunn ville være skeptisk til tanken om å videreføre genene, men enkelte ganger er begjæret sterkere enn den kognitive kontrollen, og hun var knapt 17 år gammel da hun trillet barnevognen med den nyfødte sønnen. Hvem barnefaren var, var hun ikke sikker på, mest fordi mye av tiden før graviditeten var litt slørete i hukommelsen. Det er ikke godt å si hva som vil gi de største tilknytningsvanskene: Å vokse opp med en mor som er tung rusmisbruker eller å vokse opp med en mor som bruker barnet som en rekvisitt i omhyggelig retusjerte bilder på sosiale medier. Som det allerede er sagt mange ganger: “Det synes vanskelig å trekke noen entydig konklusjon, og det trengs mer forskning.”

kiki_tilrunestekst
illustrasjon: Kiki Fallet

I tidligere tider var barndom den korte tiden man hadde til rådighet for å lære seg god arbeidsmoral og pene manerer. Barnet har nok med seg selv og sin egen opplevelse av en verden som står klar til å utforskes, og lite aner barnet at dets hensikt som objekt er å speile foreldrenes drømmer om en ny start og nye muligheter til å rette opp alt det som ikke gikk som det skulle. Ikke alle mennesker når sine drømmer, men da er det godt at man kan sette et nytt menneske inn i verden, med det å oppfylle foreldrenes ønsker som sin fremste oppgave. Dersom fedrene gjennom tre generasjoner har vært leger, så blir også sønnen lege, og Gud forby ikke snekker. Men hvis far, bestefar og oldefar alle var snekkere, ja da er det i orden å bli snekker. Men det er enda bedre å bli lege. Eventuelt psykolog – det er jo ikke så verst det heller.

 


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