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Sex i solnedgang – Speilvendt
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Sex i solnedgang


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Tekst: av Bente Træen 

Eldre menneskers seksualitet fremstilles ofte som en forfallshistorie. Mange tenker på besteforeldre, pensjonister, enker, eller enkemenn som aseksuelle. En ny spørreskjemaundersøkelse i regi av Psykologisk institutt ved Universitetet i Oslo blant representative utvalg av 60-75 åringer i Norge, Danmark, Belgia, og Portugal, og en dybdeintervjustudie i Norge, Storbritannia, Kroatia, slår hull på myten. 

Seksuell aktivitet hos eldre
Resultatene fra den norske spørreskjemaundersøkelsen viste at med en bred definisjon av seksualitet (kyssing, berøring, kjærtegn, og penetrerende aktiviteter), svarte flertallet av både menn og kvinner at de hadde vært seksuelt aktive det siste året. Når færre kvinner enn menn svarer at de har vært seksuelt aktive har det sammenheng med at flere eldre kvinner enn menn lever alene. Seksuell aktivitet avtar med økende alder blant både menn og kvinner. De fleste menn og kvinner hadde hatt samleie siste måned, og vanligste i Norge var å ha hatt 2-3 samleier. Nesten 7 av 10 menn, og 4 av 10 kvinner, oppga at de hadde onanert minst én gang siste måned. Å ha tilgang på en partner å ha sex med var den viktigste faktoren for å ha vært seksuelt aktiv; viktigere enn helsemessige forhold. Eldre med høyere utdanning var mer seksuelt aktive enn eldre med lavere utdanning.

Tabell 1. Seksuell aktivitet og seksuell tilfredshet blant 60-75 åringer i Norge, Danmark, Belgia og Portugal (prosent)  

En kulturell arv?
Det kan være en interessant historisk grunn til forskjellen i seksuell aktivitet blant høyere og lavere utdannede eldre.  Historisk sett i vestlig kultur, har det å dyrke det erotiske tradisjonelt vært en aktivitet for menn i de høyere sosiale lagene av befolkningen, og høyt utdannede tilhører det høyere sosiale laget av befolkningen. Disse mennene giftet seg med «gode» kvinner, og en god kvinne var en «ren» kvinne som hadde sex for reproduksjonens skyld, men som i det øvrige var aseksuell. Samtidig forlystet disse mennene seg «på si», gjerne med andre og mer «løse» kvinner enn de var gift med. Vi kan tenke oss at dagens eldre med høyere utdanning bærer på denne arven fra sine forfedre, til tross for at det har skjedd store sosiale endringer også – ikke minst i forhold til kvinners rolle. Når eldre med høyere utdanning er mer seksuelt aktive enn eldre med lavere utdanningsnivå, kan det forstås som at de legger en høyere verdi i å opprettholde seksuell aktivitet enn personer med lav utdanning – en arv fra et strengere klassesamfunn og et annet syn på kvinners seksualitet enn vi har i dag.

Lyst, nytelse og intimitet 
De fleste menn og kvinner i alle land som deltok i undersøkelsen oppga at deres seksuelle interesse og nytelse var noe lavere eller uforandret fra for ti år siden. Blant menn hadde uforandret seksuell interesse og nytelse sterkest sammenheng med god helse, og å ha vært seksuelt aktive gjennom livet. Seksuell nytelse hadde også en sammenheng med følelsesmessig intimitet med partneren, og hvor lang tid forholdet hadde vart. At dårlig helse rammer sexlivet støttes av tidligere forskning. Seksuell interesse og nytelse kan påvirkes av fysiske funksjonshemminger, noe som gjør enkelte samleiestillinger ubehagelige eller smertefulle. 

Blant kvinner hadde kortere tid i forholdet og god helse en sammenheng med uforandret seksuell interesse og nytelse. Men, den viktigste forklaringen på kvinners uforandrede seksuelle interesse og nytelse var å føle seg nær og intim med partneren under sex. Dette støtter forskning som viser at kvinners motivasjon for å bevege seg fra nøytral tilstand til seksuell opphisselse og lyst, og å ha sex, stammer fra opplevelsen av følelsesmessig nærhet til partneren. Vår studie viser at dette også gjelder for eldre menn, om enn ikke i like sterk grad som for kvinner. Med alderen opplever mange at fokus på vaginalt samleie avtar, og seksuelle aktiviteter som berøring av hud, kyssing og kosing blir viktigere. Det produserer en følelse av intimitet og nærhet i paret. 

Én av to norske menn og kvinner var tilfreds med sexlivet sitt. Det aller viktigste for tilfredshet med sexlivet var om man hadde en fast partner eller ikke, altså å ha tilgang på noen å ha sex med. Likevel sank tilfredsheten med økende alder, og menn var mer tilfredse enn kvinner. Dette kan ha sammenheng med at kvinner oftest er gift med menn som er noen år eldre enn seg – og som dermed kan ha sviktende helse – mens menn har yngre og sprekere partnere. Det betyr at partnerens helse er viktig for den seksuelle aktiviteten. 

Det er mange faktorer som kan påvirke seksuell tilfredshet. De biologiske endringene i kroppen som skjer når man eldes kan påvirke interessen for, og evnen til å ha sex. Nivået av hormonene østrogen og testosteron reduseres, og det kan nedsette lysten. Hjerte-kar-lidelser, diabetes og hormonelle forstyrrelser er sykdommer som medfører økt risiko for ereksjonsproblemer. Medisinene man tar kan også være et problem, fordi bivirkningene påvirker både seksuell lyst og funksjon. Psykiske forhold spiller også en rolle. Angst og depresjon, selvbilde og stress, er av stor betydning for sexlivet. Faktisk kan tap av seksuell lyst være et tidlig symptom på psykiske problemer. Andre sliter med samlivsproblemer, men tør ikke bryte ut av forholdet sent i livet. Atter andre har gått lei av et livslang seksuelt mønster uten variasjon og fornyelse. 

Søke råd internett 
Det er ikke alltid like lett å treffe en ny partner i eldre år, men internett representerer en viktig ny arena for å finne seg en. Studien viste at eldre i alle land, og flest i Norge, bruker internett for å finne seg en partner, og for å se pornografi. Noen søker også råd om sex- og samlivsspørsmål på internett, hvilket gjør den digitale plattformen godt egnet til rådgiving. En av de ting det søkes råd om er seksuelle problemer, som er ganske utbredt blant eldre. Faktisk rapporterer annenhver mann vedvarende ereksjonsproblemer og 45 % av kvinnene lystproblemer i den norske undersøkelsen, men problemene vekker bare mildt til moderate bekymringer hos dem det rammer. 

Oppsummeringsvis kan vi si at seksualitetens rolle for eldre voksne er å gi nytelse, rekreasjon, styrke parforholdet og opplevelsen av følelsesmessig intimitet med partneren. For mange er pensjonsalderen en periode med stor grad av seksuell tilfredshet. Da er det bare å glede seg til å bli «skikkelig voksen»!

Bente Træen er professor i helsepsykologi på UiO og underviser i helsepsykologi og sexologi. De siste årene har hun forsket på seksualitet og seksuelle problemer hos eldre.


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